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Essays

free speech ain't free

Brought to you by the latest explosion within the fandom (which, as usual, has nothing to do with the fandom itself).

It's a hard won lesson; one that comes with its own set of scars and bruises. But it's the truth: Free speech ain't free. Not really. It always comes with a cost. The price you pay for the words you say. It may be only a matter of pride, or perhaps nothing more than not being invited to the "cool" parties, but it may be as much as the respect of your colleagues, the admiration of your friends... it may even be as high as your freedom (shout 'bomb' in an airport and see how free your speech is).

Sometimes the person who pays isn't even the person who speaks. Words can cause embarrassment, fear, hatred... even if the speaker doesn't intend to harm. Sometimes it depends on who hears the words. Words spoken into a vacuum are never heard, and if no one hears, were the words really said?

I know this. I've been on both sides. I have the battle scars to remind me, and a mental record of what I've lost.

I know that I make a lot of these public diatribes on freedom of speech, and the grey areas between one person's lips and another's ears. But I do it because I have gotten swallowed by the grey more than once.

The word "Livejournal" is a bit of a misnomer. It's not really a journal. Journals are private. They're kept in jewelry boxes or under mattresses or in the underwear drawer. This is a public forum. Especially because we allow commentary. It's little more than one's own private BBS.

But a lot of people get caught up by the word "journal" and use it as they would a journal -- as a repository for their most private thoughts and raw outbursts of undirected emotion. And invariably, one of those outbursts or thoughts -- because they aren't private -- will be heard by someone, and it costs more than they were prepared to pay. In situations like that, we (and I've been guilty of it, too) are apt to shout, "It's my journal; I can say what I want!"

And you can. As long as you pay the price for it. Even disabling comments doesn't exonerate us -- the words are still heard by someone, and the verbal "transaction" takes place whether they respond or not. If you want to use Livejournal in such a way that you are beyond reproach, there is a "Private" setting that will not display your words to anyone. Shout into that vacuum as long as you want; no one will hear, and no one will demand payment from you for it.

Doesn't create drama that way, though, does it? I mean, what's the good of these great rants and vents and diatribes if no one hears them, right? But the instant that you start looking at it that way, you are tacitly agreeing to the contract. You will say what you want to other people, and they will make judgements based on what they hear that may exact from you a price greater than you were expecting.

So, don't use Livejournal? Of course that's not what I'm saying. Acknowledge and accept the truth of the transaction, that's what I'm saying. Recognize your audience and consider what you may be asked to pay by saying what you wish to them. Audiences differ. A disparaging crack about homosexuals may not offend a roomful of NASCAR fans (then again, it might -- you never know!), but the same words at a PFLAG meeting are liable to cost you a lot more.

Similarly, to use the example which sparked this entry. Going into a LJ community called, say... "singleanddepressed" and saying "I hate Valentine's Day! I hate being reminded that I'm alone, and I hope all these happy people suffer for their happiness to make me feel better" is not likely to net you a lot of flak. There are a lot of people there who probably feel similarly and, if not outright agree with you, will at least accept your emotional outburst with a certain amount of dignity.

However, making the same statement in your personal public journal when you are well aware that many of your friends are in happy relationships is likely to offend, because they are apt to feel that you are including them in your group of "all these happy people". And they would be well within their rights to do so. As a result, some of them are likely to say something unkind in regards to it, or at least think a little differently of you. (Now, the words they say to you are just as subject to payment, too -- I'm not letting them off the hook that easily!)

You have just as much right to say those words in either place. And I won't argue that you don't. The only difference is the price you stand to pay because of the audience you said them to. In the one place, the worst you may get is some odd looks; in the other, you stand to possibly lose friendships.

And just as important as who you say things to is how you say them to that group. In the above example, there is a way to express the same sentiment to those friends in happy relationships and to the singleanddepressed community, but less likely to offend anyone. It just means using different words, or perhaps examining the root cause behind the words rather than the words themselves.

Maybe you don't really hope that happy people suffer. Maybe what you mean is that you're feeling very bitter and resentful that you are alone and envious of what they have. Maybe in your darkest desires, you entertain the thought of dragging them down to your level when what you really want is to be pulled up to theirs. Saying that to your friends in relationships will mean a lot more to them, and they'll understand what you're going through. We've all been alone and bitter and depressed about it and envious of those around us. But not all of us have gone around saying "I hope you choke on your chocolates" -- so, those of us who haven't said that are not likely to understand the underlying emotions that spark such a comment. We'll take it more at face value perhaps, and be hurt by it.

(But again, if we hurt you in return, that's our responsibility to own up to, and our own debt to pay. In cases like this, the most lucrative prospect is usually to simply say nothing.)

To wrap this up (finally), I have to say that I know that using the exact example that put this idea in my head is likely to make me unpopular with some people who are involved directly or indirectly. I may be accused of choosing sides, of butting in, of stirring the pot, or any number of other metaphors and similes.

But that's a price I'm prepared to pay.


	Disclaimer This site contains content of an adult nature, both in written and graphical versions. If you are under the age of consent in your city, state, country, or province, please click here and exit the site. Site Map home lotr fanfiction elvish rants inspiration artwork links Section Links Canon vs AU/Non-Canon Children and Music The Civil War Debunking Evil!Thranduil Elven Haircolor 101 Elvish Names 101 Elvish Names Continued Elven Population Elven Rebirth Fanon, Part One Free Speech Independence Day Bullshit Musings On The Movie "Supersize Me" The Mysterious Glorfindel Nazi Germany Symbols and Words Voting Rights Act Who Is Gildor Inglorion? Why Gay Christian Is Not An Oxymoron		Essays free speech ain't free Brought to you by the latest explosion within the fandom (which, as usual, has nothing to do with the fandom itself). It's a hard won lesson; one that comes with its own set of scars and bruises. But it's the truth: Free speech ain't free. Not really. It always comes with a cost. The price you pay for the words you say. It may be only a matter of pride, or perhaps nothing more than not being invited to the "cool" parties, but it may be as much as the respect of your colleagues, the admiration of your friends... it may even be as high as your freedom (shout 'bomb' in an airport and see how free your speech is). Sometimes the person who pays isn't even the person who speaks. Words can cause embarrassment, fear, hatred... even if the speaker doesn't intend to harm. Sometimes it depends on who hears the words. Words spoken into a vacuum are never heard, and if no one hears, were the words really said? I know this. I've been on both sides. I have the battle scars to remind me, and a mental record of what I've lost. I know that I make a lot of these public diatribes on freedom of speech, and the grey areas between one person's lips and another's ears. But I do it because I have gotten swallowed by the grey more than once. The word "Livejournal" is a bit of a misnomer. It's not really a journal. Journals are private. They're kept in jewelry boxes or under mattresses or in the underwear drawer. This is a public forum. Especially because we allow commentary. It's little more than one's own private BBS. But a lot of people get caught up by the word "journal" and use it as they would a journal -- as a repository for their most private thoughts and raw outbursts of undirected emotion. And invariably, one of those outbursts or thoughts -- because they aren't private -- will be heard by someone, and it costs more than they were prepared to pay. In situations like that, we (and I've been guilty of it, too) are apt to shout, "It's my journal; I can say what I want!" And you can. As long as you pay the price for it. Even disabling comments doesn't exonerate us -- the words are still heard by someone, and the verbal "transaction" takes place whether they respond or not. If you want to use Livejournal in such a way that you are beyond reproach, there is a "Private" setting that will not display your words to anyone. Shout into that vacuum as long as you want; no one will hear, and no one will demand payment from you for it. Doesn't create drama that way, though, does it? I mean, what's the good of these great rants and vents and diatribes if no one hears them, right? But the instant that you start looking at it that way, you are tacitly agreeing to the contract. You will say what you want to other people, and they will make judgements based on what they hear that may exact from you a price greater than you were expecting. So, don't use Livejournal? Of course that's not what I'm saying. Acknowledge and accept the truth of the transaction, that's what I'm saying. Recognize your audience and consider what you may be asked to pay by saying what you wish to them. Audiences differ. A disparaging crack about homosexuals may not offend a roomful of NASCAR fans (then again, it might -- you never know!), but the same words at a PFLAG meeting are liable to cost you a lot more. Similarly, to use the example which sparked this entry. Going into a LJ community called, say... "singleanddepressed" and saying "I hate Valentine's Day! I hate being reminded that I'm alone, and I hope all these happy people suffer for their happiness to make me feel better" is not likely to net you a lot of flak. There are a lot of people there who probably feel similarly and, if not outright agree with you, will at least accept your emotional outburst with a certain amount of dignity. However, making the same statement in your personal public journal when you are well aware that many of your friends are in happy relationships is likely to offend, because they are apt to feel that you are including them in your group of "all these happy people". And they would be well within their rights to do so. As a result, some of them are likely to say something unkind in regards to it, or at least think a little differently of you. (Now, the words they say to you are just as subject to payment, too -- I'm not letting them off the hook that easily!) You have just as much right to say those words in either place. And I won't argue that you don't. The only difference is the price you stand to pay because of the audience you said them to. In the one place, the worst you may get is some odd looks; in the other, you stand to possibly lose friendships. And just as important as who you say things to is how you say them to that group. In the above example, there is a way to express the same sentiment to those friends in happy relationships and to the singleanddepressed community, but less likely to offend anyone. It just means using different words, or perhaps examining the root cause behind the words rather than the words themselves. Maybe you don't really hope that happy people suffer. Maybe what you mean is that you're feeling very bitter and resentful that you are alone and envious of what they have. Maybe in your darkest desires, you entertain the thought of dragging them down to your level when what you really want is to be pulled up to theirs. Saying that to your friends in relationships will mean a lot more to them, and they'll understand what you're going through. We've all been alone and bitter and depressed about it and envious of those around us. But not all of us have gone around saying "I hope you choke on your chocolates" -- so, those of us who haven't said that are not likely to understand the underlying emotions that spark such a comment. We'll take it more at face value perhaps, and be hurt by it. (But again, if we hurt you in return, that's our responsibility to own up to, and our own debt to pay. In cases like this, the most lucrative prospect is usually to simply say nothing.) To wrap this up (finally), I have to say that I know that using the exact example that put this idea in my head is likely to make me unpopular with some people who are involved directly or indirectly. I may be accused of choosing sides, of butting in, of stirring the pot, or any number of other metaphors and similes. But that's a price I'm prepared to pay.